Chouji Fasts
by Pepsi Dragon
Summary: ONE SHOT Ino Shikamaru hmmm... something funny going on... Chouji what? Wants to fast? IS looking for his dream girl, but oh no! Everything goes wrong! Totally hilarious stuff! R


**Chouji Fasts**

This story is set about eight years into the future, Chouji, Shikamaru and Ino are all in their early twenties and live comfortably in their shared apartment.

**Friday 5pm In The Kitchen **

"Damn it Chouji!" Ino exclaimed staring at the greasy burger he was waving in front of her face, "You trying to kill me?"

"What?…" Chouji looked hurt, he'd made the burger from scratch, using a traditional Akimichi family recipe, "…It's delicious, just try it."

Shikamaru was already half way through eating his burger and surveyed the other two calmly, "Why do you always act so troublesome?"

Ino ignored Shikamaru's remark and shouted, "I wouldn't eat that even if you paid me! All that fat will clog up my arteries!"

Each of the three had took turns in cooking meals throughout the day; Ino usually made salads or really low fat minute dishes, whilst the lazy Shikamaru always ordered some form of take-out and Chouji constantly made his favourite greasy grub.

Chouji sighed at the stick-thin blonde, who was thrusting the plate back into his stomach, "…but Ino…You never eat my cooking…Can't you try it just this once?"

Ino ran her fingers through her luscious long blonde hair and sneered at the chubby man in a pink frilly apron before her, "Fat Chance!"

Chouji winced at the word 'fat', then glumly sat in his seat and began eating his burger, avoiding everyone's eyes.

"Chouji…" Shikamaru mumbled sympathetically, "…Ino's just being troublesome…she didn't mean it…"

Chouji sniffled as big wet tears began soaking his burger.

Ino looked guiltily at the greasy burger on the table in front of her, and back to the crying Chouji, a massive knot of guilt awoke in her stomach.

"I'm…I'm really sorry Chouji…" She said making her voice as kind as possible, "…I'll…I'll…um…eat…it, if it'll make you feel better?"

Chouji stood up and smacked his fists hard on the table, "No! It won't make me feel better! I'm fat and ugly! And no one will ever fancy me! And I'll die of that heart-clogging thing! And! And!…"

Chouji wiped his eyes hastily and stormed off to his room, leaving half his burger untouched.

"Great…" Shikamaru mumbled, giving Ino a lazy eyed look, because he couldn't be bothered making an angry one, "You've done it again…You are so damn troublesome."

Ino shook her head sadly, "I know…"

**Friday 5.10pm In Chouji's Room **

"…Why do people have to be fat?" Chouji sobbed to himself, slouched over the edge of his bed, "…Why can't we just eat yummy food and stay the same slim size no matter what?"

Chouji wiped his tears with the back of his hand and stared into his own reflection in the small mirror hug on the wall.

"Why?" He asked it, "Why?"

KNOCK KNOCK 

"Oi Chouji…" Shikamaru mumbled from the other side of the door, "…Will you come out? Ino's eaten your delicious burger!"

Chouji got up and opened the door, Shikamaru was leaning idly on the doorframe and Ino was sitting at the table forcing herself to smile as her face turned a putrid green.

"BLEUGH!" Ino suddenly started to throw up all over the table and she frantically cupped her hands over her mouth and made a desperate run for the bathroom.

Chouji's eyes welled up with tears again and he slammed the door sadly in Shikamaru's face.

Shikamaru scrunched up his face as the foul vomit smell invaded his sinuses, "Ino! Are you okay?"

Shikamaru sighed and made his way towards the bathroom, where several coughing and gagging sounds could be heard.

**Friday 5.15pm In The Bathroom **

"Hey Ino, you okay?" Shikamaru asked quietly, handing her some pink loo roll.

"BLEUGH!" She threw up again, her body shaking as she gripped the sink at the side for support.

Shikamaru sighed sadly and went closer to the puke smelling Ino.

"Look…I know you were trying to be nice to Chouji…but making yourself ill, just isn't the way…" He mumbled holding Ino's hair out of the way, as she carried on emptying her guts into the loo.

Ino gasped for air and then wiped her mouth with some more loo roll, "I…I just…well…I can't stand seeing him so upset…you know?…It makes me feel horrible…"

Shikamaru stroked Ino's hair gently, "Yeah…but you know… you're stomach's a bit intolerant with food that's too greasy…you've always been that way."

Shikamaru suddenly stiffened up as a depressed Chouji entered the bathroom, "…I'm sorry Ino…"

Ino began puking again and Shikamaru quickly returned his attention to her, holding her hair out of the way and gently patting her back.

Chouji's eyes watered as he observed his two friends, "…I'm so sorry…I always forget that you can't stand greasy foods…I'm so stupid…sometimes something in my head says that you don't eat my food 'cause you don't like it…or because you you're watching you're weight or something…"

"Shut up Chouji…" Ino smiled weakly, wiping the gunk from her pretty lips, "…It's not all your fault you know…"

Chouji returned the smile, and his eyes began to rapidly water again, "…Ino…"

Shikamaru gave Ino a wet flannel to wipe her face and then he went up and gave the blubbering Chouji a big hug, "Hey Chouji you big baby…turn off the water works eh?"

Chouji suddenly stood back, "From today I'm going to start fasting!" he announced proudly.

Ino was in the middle of gargling some water and she spat it out a little too forcefully, spraying some the slightly tainted water into Shikamaru's face.

"You what?" Ino asked as Shikamaru washed his face hastily in the sink.

"I'm going to fast…you know…not eat except maybe…hmm…twice a day!" Chouji said with an insane smile on his face.

Shikamaru looked up and surveyed Chouji with a look of deepest confusion, as water dripped off his face, "…Are you sure you can do that?"

Ino touched Chouji gently on the arm, "Chouji…you don't have to do that…really…you're fine the way you are…"

"No!" Chouji yelled, shrugging Ino's hand away, "…I'm going through with this whether you like it or not!…And if you guys are my true friends then you'll help me go through with it!"

**Still Friday 9pm In The Living Room **

The three friends are curled up on the sofa watching a late night horror movie with the lights off, Ino's hugging a cushion and sitting contentedly between Shikamaru and Chouji.

"Oh man!" Ino squealed hugging the silky back cushion tighter, "She's not gonna go in there is she! That…that thing is in there!"

Shikamaru was slouching into the sofa his head against a cushion. "This is boring…" He yawned.

GRR…OOH…GRRUR…OOH GRUMBLE…

"ARRRGH!" Ino screamed at the strange sounds and dived onto Shikamaru.

"Hey! Ow!" Shikamaru said as Ino elbows slammed into his stomach.

"I heard something!" She wailed hiding her face behind the cushion.

"Sorry…" Chouji mumbled, "That was me…"

"Will you just forget the fasting thing and go eat…" Shikamaru said, pushing Ino back into her own sitting spot, "…Fasting is…troublesome…"

"No." Chouji said bluntly, "If you don't think I can do it, then fine! But don't try talk me out of it 'cause I'm definitely going through with it!"

Shikamaru sighed and continued to watch the movie, whilst Ino leaned nervously against him and Chouji sulked with his arms tightly folded and his stomach going

GRUMBLE OOH GRR GRR.

**Saturday 2am In Ino's Room **

Ino had been tossing and turning in her white silk nightie, dreaming about the horrid monster in which she'd seen in the film, when suddenly she sat bolt upright.

There was a layer of cold sweat on her forehead and she was breathing frantically.

"Stupid horror movie!" She grumbled to herself and got up to get her self a glass of water.

She left her room quickly, making sure not to wake the guys, but froze in shock when she realised that the light was already on in the kitchen.

**Saturday 2.01am In Shikamaru's Room **

Shikamaru was having a pleasant dream about him winning a shogi tournament when Ino rudely woke him up.

"Shikamaru!" She hissed, shaking him wildly.

"What?" He grumbled, "Why'd you have to wake me up, you ruined my dream, you're so tr-"

"Shikamaru!" Ino whispered, with fear in her eyes, "You need to look in the kitchen!"

Shikamaru sighed and dragged himself out of bed, the line of his slim and muscular body, in just a pair of blue boxers was eagerly eyed by Ino.

"So damn troublesome!" he mumbled, yawning and making his way past the stunned Ino.

**Saturday 2.03am In The Kitchen **

"Chouji!" Shikamaru said, his eyes widening in horror, "What are you doing!"

Ino pressed herself nervously against Shikamaru's bare back and mumbled, "He looks so scary!"

Chouji was asleep in his large polka dot PJs and he was wandering backwards and forwards in the kitchen, with a large yellow sock stuffed in his mouth.

"Chouji? Wake up!" Shikamaru screamed moving closer to his friend, who now had a chicken leg in his hand and was attempting to stuff it in his sock-blocked mouth.

"Chouji OOMPF!" Chouji had turned around and smacked poor Shikamaru in the face with a chicken drumstick.

"Shikamaru!" Ino wailed, running over to the swearing man and throwing her hands to his face. She had any excuse to be near Shikamaru at the moment, since she'd hardly ever seen him with such few clothes on.

"Chouji you idiot! Wake up!" Shikamaru yelled poking Chouji in the side.

Chouji had dropped the chicken leg and was now attempting to make a sandwich, which considering he had his eyes closed, is pretty talented.

"CHOUJI!" Shikamaru screamed again, only to be ignored again, except from the neighbours below, who were thumping a broomstick angrily against their ceiling.

"Oh for Pete's sake! Chou- OOMPF!" Shikamaru said, as Chouji flung a toaster into his chest, since it failed to work for him (maybe this had something to do with the fact that it wasn't plugged in? But hey whatever).

"Chouji!" Ino hissed, realising that all these subconscious attacks on Shikamaru, was spoiling his precious naked skin, "Will you fucking wake up!"

Chouji was at the fridge now, clumsily knocking the contents all over the floor.

"Here you go Chouji!" Ino giggled at she flung a large cup of water at Chouji's face.

(Note: She flung the water, not the cup…just in case you misunderstood…lol)

"WHAFUFF!" Chouji screamed, waking at the shock of icy cold water colliding with his face, the sock muffling him greatly.

"Finally you're awake…" Shikamaru gave a sigh of relief and rubbed his bruised chest gently, "…we'll clean up this troublesome mess tomorrow. Now let me get some sleep, eh?"

Chouji took the wet sock out of his mouth and looked at the severely trashed kitchen, "Oops…" he mumbled.

**Saturday 2.30am In Chouji's Room **

Chouji is lying sadly awake in bed, staring at the ceiling.

GRR GRUMMMBLE

"Damn it…" He mumbled to himself, "…Fasting is hard!"

He rolled over and stared at his own reflection in the mirror, "Even though the awake me is up for fasting…the asleep me is not…"

Chouji sat up and shrugged, "Guess I'll have to stay awake then!"

GRR OOH GRUMBLE! His stomach protested.

**Saturday 7.30am In The Kitchen **

Chouji has already cleaned the mess in the kitchen and is sitting half asleep at the table, staring longingly at a box of cereal. 

Ino enters humming cheerily and takes the box of cereal and begins to empty it into a bowl, "Hey Chouji you're up early!"

"Mm…" Chouji mumbles weakly.

"You can eat breakfast can't you?" Ino asked the sleepy Chouji softly, pouring lots of low fat milk into her bowl, "You said you were gonna have three meals a day or something?"

"Two…" Chouji muttered, eyeing Ino's cereal.

Ino froze, as she noticed the huge dark circles around Chouji's eyes, "Chouji…are you okay?"

Just then Shikamaru entered, stretching, yawning and fully dressed to Ino's disappointment.

"Hey Chouji!…Whoa!" Shikamaru stopped mid-stretch and stared at his poor friend, "What happened to you?"

"…No…Sleep…Sleep…makes me sleepwalk…and…try to…eat stuff…" Chouji whispered, wincing as if each word he spoke was like a stab in the guts.

GRR GRUMBLE GROO GROUCH OOH

"You didn't!" Ino shrieked, her eyes widening in shock.

"You stayed up ALL night!" Shikamaru asked in disbelief.

"Yeah…" Chouji mumbled, before letting his head smack limply into the table.

"Chouji!" Shikamaru screamed, "Chouji…are you okay?"

Chouji grunted and then started snoring loudly, and almost cutely, Ino thought.

Shikamaru sat at the table glumly and poured himself some cereal too, "How are we gonna move him to his bed?"

Ino finished her cereal and went over to see if she could lift Chouji, "Hhhhhhhhhhh huit!" She said triumphantly as she managed to lift one of Chouji's arms.

Shikamaru burst out laughing and sprayed his cereal across the table, "Oops…" he mumbled.

Shikamaru watched in amusement whilst Ino struggled to move the rest of Chouji and then he grinned and mumbled, "Kagemane no Jutsu," as he formed some hand seals.

Shikamaru's shadow stretched under the table and linked with the deeply sleeping Chouji's, as Shikamaru got up, so did Chouji.

"Damn it Shikamaru!" Ino said wiping the sweat off her forehead, "Why didn't you do that BEFORE I wasted all my energy trying to move him?"

"'Cause it was funny…" Shikamaru grinned marching Chouji off to his room.

Ino went to the fridge and found herself some orange juice, exhausted from trying to lift the very heavy Chouji, she drank straight from the carton.

**Saturday 8am In The Living Room **

Ino spread herself on the sofa, with the orange juice carton still gripped in one hand and reached for the TV remote with the other.

"Hey, budge up." Shikamaru said cheerily, sitting on Ino's stick legs.

"Ow!" Ino grumbled coiling her legs up.

"Wanna play some shogi?" He asked pleasantly, taking the orange juice carton from Ino and drinking it thirstily.

"Hey!" Ino cried, "That was mine!"

Ino dived after the carton and landed on top of Shikamaru.

"Give it back you ass head!" She moaned reaching for Shikamaru's outstretched hand.

"I will…if you play shogi with me"

"Shogi's boring!" Ino wailed and stretched harder, her face parallel with Shikamaru's, "And as you ALWAYS say…ooh it's troublesome!"

Ino's face scrunched up in laughter as she finished imitating him.

"I don't sound like that!" Shikamaru protested, staring deep into Ino's pretty aqua eyes as she stared back into his mysterious dark one's.

PLOP

The carton of orange juice slipped out of Shikamaru's hand and landed sideways on the floor spilling everywhere.

"Mmm…" He mumbled softly as Ino pressed her lips gently onto his.

**Saturday 8.15am In The Living Room **

Ino and Shikamaru are still comfortably wrapped around each other, Ino caressing his head and Shikamaru pressing his arms against her back.

The lonely spilt orange juice carton lies sadly next to the sofa, looking up at them.

Chouji is sleep walking again and is quietly making his way past the sofa, a red sock stuffed in his mouth this time.

"Mmm…Chouji!" Ino squealed as she opened her eyes, to see Chouji stumbling past them.

"Mmm…no I'm Shikamaru…" Shikamaru mumbled dumbly, trying to re-fasten his lips onto hers.

"No idiot! Chouji's sleepwalking again!"

"Huh?" Was all Shikamaru could say, because just at that moment, the slumbering Chouji slipped on the spilt orange juice and landed with a THUD on top of him.

Ino had leapt off the sofa just in time, but Shikamaru was slowly suffocating under the pressure of Chouji's weight.

"Ino…" He mumbled, trapped under Chouji, "…h-help…"

"Damn it!" Ino shrieked, poking Chouji in the face, "Chouji! CHOUJI! WAKE UP! DAMN IT!"

Ino then ran to the kitchen for a glass of water whilst, Shikamaru struggled to move at all.

Ino ran back into the living room, clumsily skidding on the orange juice, which made her fling the glass into the air.

"Oh Shit!" She screamed, as her butt hit the floor and the glass bonked Shikamaru painfully on the head.

However, the good thing was, that most of the water hit Chouji, which woke him up with a start.

"What? What the hell…" Chouji looked at the way he was positioned over a knocked-out Shikamaru, "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?" He screamed, the wet sock falling out of his mouth and landing on Shikamaru's face.

Ino got up, rubbing her orange juice soaked butt and mumbled something about stupid floorboards being so hard.

"Ino!" Chouji shrieked, clambering quickly of the sofa, "How did I end up here?"

"Ow…" Ino rubbed her small butt again, "You were sleep walking, and you tripped on the stupid orange juice…"

Chouji sighed and scratched his head.

GROU GRUUMBLE OOH GRR

"Guess it's time to eat something…" Chouji mumbled weakly and made his way towards the kitchen.

"Shikamaru?" Ino said fearfully, as she peeled the red sock off his face, "Are you…are you okay?"

Shikamaru's glum face stared up at her, a pinkish purple bruise had appeared at the top corner of his head, "Damn it Ino…you're so clumsy."

"But not troublesome…right?" Ino mumbled, sitting on the edge of the sofa and gently touching Shikamaru's bruised forehead, "…I'm really, really sorry…and besides…was YOUR FAULT for dropping the carton."

Shikamaru winced at the pain as Ino poked the bruise, "…I wanna play shogi." He whined.

**Saturday 8.30am In The Kitchen **

"Hey Chouji? You okay?" Shikamaru grumbled as he entered the kitchen with a shogi board.

Chouji was sadly hunched over the fridge, deciding what to eat.

Ino entered with a box of shogi playing pieces, "You said you can eat two meals a day didn't you? Just eat anything you want…heck eat everything if you want to!"

Ino and Shikamaru sat opposite eat other at the table and began laying the pieces out on the shogi board, Chouji grabbed a few ingredients to make a sandwich and sat down next to Ino.

"I'm gonna start eating healthier now," he mumbled, putting salad and a few chicken slices into his bread, "so the two meals I'll eat will be small…"

Shikamaru frowned at his friend, "That's not called fasting…that's called starving…"

Ino went to the fried and pulled out a large block of cheese and some turkey slice, "You should put these in there too…it'll make you feel better!"

Chouji ignored Ino and started to eat his rather rationed sandwich, "…I'm fasting MY way…leave me alone."

Shikamaru and Ino played on with their shogi game, Shikamaru winning every time, whilst an unsatisfied Chouji went into the living room to watch TV.

**Saturday 9.15am In The Living Room **

_Want to lose weight? But don't want the hassle of dieting?_ The TV adverts droned on. _You can do it now with the fantastic FATSO-BEGONE course…hundreds of low fat meals to choose from and your own gym course to go to every weekend! Join now for only 49.99 and get your money back guarantee if the course doesn't make you lose at least two pounds in a week…_

Chouji stared at the advert thoughtfully and then he noted down the adverts phone number on the back of his hand, with a biro.

**Saturday 9.30am In The Kitchen **

"Damn it Shikamaru!" Screamed Ino, having lost six times in a row, "I told you shogi is BOOOORING!"

Shikamaru watched the pretty blonde, pouting and crossing her arms in front of her, "…Okay, lets make the game a little more interesting then…"

"How?"

Shikamaru grinned cheekily, "If you win the next game, we'll stop playing shogi…and we'll continue what we were doing on the sofa before."

Ino's eyes lit up and she grinned also, "You're on!"

**Saturday 9.45am In Chouji's Room **

Chouji had taken off his top and he was starring glumly at his belly's reflection in the mirror.

He poked it, prodded it and then pinched it, squealing "Ow!" as pain shook through his fat skin.

Chouji sighed at all his 'chubbiness' and then stared sorrowfully at the number on the back of his hand.

**Saturday 10am In The Living Room **

Shikamaru had let Ino win the last shogi game on purpose and now they were both back on the sofa, eyes closed eating each other's lips softly.

Chouji opened his bedroom door and froze at the scene before him. What he wouldn't give for a girl to do that to him.

Chouji sighed quietly and carefully crept past them, making sure he didn't disturb…ahem…their 'game'.

The phone was in the kitchen and he was sure the FATSO-BEGONE course would be a lot easier than his lame attempt at fasting.

"Mmm…Shika…maru…" Chouji could hear Ino gurgle, and Chouji quickened his pace on reaching the kitchen.

**Saturday 10.10am In The Kitchen **

Chouji had just got off the phone and was smiling in glee as he'd just confirmed his arrangement with FATSO-BEGONE co.

"Guess I can stop fasting for now…" He grinned cheerfully, emptying the fridge of all its contents and beginning to fill his stomach with all the food he could find.

**Saturday 10.15am In The Living Room **

"Ooh Shikamaru!" Ino squealed as his hugged her from behind and began slowly nibbling her ears, "You're sooo…mmm"

"I'm so what?…" Shikamaru grinned, his lips whispering into Ino's delicate ears, "…am I being…troublesome?"

Chouji sighed awkwardly as he re-entered the living room, carefully walking behind the smoochy couple, so that they would not see him.

Chouji was inches from his room, when suddenly he stubbed his toe, "OWWEE!" He screamed jumping violently up and down.

Shikamaru and Ino sprung apart, and Ino muttered nervously, "Chouji! Weren't you asleep?"

The three blushed stupidly at each other and Chouji began mumbling about quitting his fasting and starting a Fat Club or something.

Ino sat up stiffly and listened to Chouji's awkward rambling as Shikamaru slouched way down into the sofa, staring embarrassedly out of the window.

**Saturday 10.20am In The Chouji's Room **

"Damn it!" Chouji muttered sadly, "Shikamaru's thin and he's got Ino all over him…I wanna be like that!"

Chouji sat depressed on the edge of his bed and stared out of the window.

Konoha was beautiful as usual, with many beautiful people wandering around cheerily.

Chouji's eyes scanned over every guy, wishing he looked like them and over every girl, wishing he had a girlfriend like them.

Chouji's eyeballs suddenly stopped on a very pretty girl who was buying some groceries, that was HIS girl, or anyways he would try to make her HIS girl.

"Wait for me, my love…" He mumbled as he watched the girl disappear from view.

**Saturday 5pm In The Kitchen **

Chouji and Ino were sitting at the table as Shikamaru unpacked the ramen delivery he'd just received.

The three were still feeling a bit embarrassed about Chouji seeing the other two so passionately wound together this morning and were avoiding each other's gaze.

Chouji had spent the rest of the day daydreaming in his room and Shikamaru and Ino had sat at the opposite ends of the sofa watching chat shows and soaps one after the other.

"Um…Chouji…" Ino muttered staring at the table, "…You don't mind about me and Shikamaru do you?"

Shikamaru blushed at the sound of his name and began to serve his friends their ramen.

"Of course not Ino-chan," Chouji said in a dazed fashion, "I'm happy for you…"

And then he quietly added, "It's about time anyways…"

Ino blushed and picked up her chopsticks for eating her ramen, Chouji was already slurping noisily at his, a happy grin on his face.

Shikamaru looked at Ino and shrugged, before eating his own ramen.

**Sunday 7am In The Bathroom **

Ino was in the shower and thinking happily about the dream in which she'd just had.

_In her dream Shikamaru had married her and she'd gone on to live in a massive pink castle, surrounded by beautiful rare flowers, with her as princess Ino and him as prince charming._

_About half way through her dream though, Chouji appeared and started eating all the flowers and then strangely the castle too. _

_Eventually everything was gone but the prince and princess, at which Chouji had gone over to Shikamaru and eaten him in one big satisfied gulp and the dream then ended with him belching loudly._

"ARRGH!" Ino screamed as a naked Shikamaru had just entered the shower.

"Oops" he mumbled awkwardly, turning around, "Ino you idiot! Why didn't lock the door?"

Ino wrapped a massive fluffy cream towel around herself and muttered, "I dunno! I must have forgot!"

As Ino passed the very fit and nude Shikamaru, she couldn't help but stare, at his…firm…probably…very soft buttocks.

"Well…hurry up…I gotta shower too…" Shikamaru mumbled, staring intently at the tiles, as Ino's beautiful feminine shape was foggily reflected off it.

Suddenly, before Ino realised what she was doing, she grabbed Shikamaru's right butt cheek.

"Hey!" Shikamaru shouted in shock, as his nether regions were being touched, by someone's soft, small hands, "Ino…what are you doing?"

"Oops! Sorry!" Ino muttered, her hand still clutched around Shikamaru's very soft, very nice ass, "Um…my hand…um slipped!"

"What the?" Chouji said as he walked into the bathroom, to see Ino's hand glued onto Shikamaru's naked rear.

"…Oops! Um…I'll come back later…" he mumbled going red in the face and leaving, closing the bathroom door.

"Ino…" Shikamaru mumbled, feeling his face glow pink, "Why…why are you touching my butt?"

"I…um…I…um…" Ino snatched her hand back because it was burning like her face, "…I…don't really know…"

Shikamaru grabbed the pretty fish patterned shower curtains, and hastily held it in front of him as he turned to look at a tomato-faced Ino.

"I'm…um…I'm…" Ino stared at Shikamaru's chest, 'wow!' She was thinking to herself.

"I'm sorry!" She mumbled, hanging her head in shame.

Shikamaru watched as Ino wiped the drool from her mouth.

"Um…don't be…" He laughed awkwardly, "'cause…you know…I didn't really mind…"

**Sunday 7.30am In The Kitchen **

Chouji had his ear pressed against the bathroom door, hoping to pick up some tips on romance.

He could just about hear Ino giggling, "Um Shikamaru…Your ass felt really nice…"

Chouji then moved awkwardly away from the door as Shikamaru replied cheekily, "I bet yours feels really good too…" And Ino was giggling very, very girlishly.

"Damn it! I need to shower and them two might be stuck in there for AGES!" Chouji muttered quietly to himself, "I'll have to use the public baths then.

**Sunday 7.45am At The Public Baths **

Chouji washed himself cheerily as many young men stared blatantly at his rather huge body.

"Man he's huge!" Chouji heard someone whisper behind him.

"Look at all those flabby bits!" Another one whispered.

Chouji frowned angrily and quickly rinsed himself off, before quickly running into the changing room.

"Damn it!" He muttered unhappily to himself, "Stupid people! They don't have to point out that I'm HUGE and…and have FLABBY BITS!"

"I don't think you're huge." A pleasant voice suddenly called out from behind him.

"What…OH MY GAWD!" Chouji screamed, covering himself up hastily, "What…what are YOU doing here?"

Chouji was standing face to face with the very pretty girl he'd seen from his room the other day, the one who he'd thought was the most prettiest, the one who he'd secretly sworn to make HIS.

"I'm sorry…do I know you?" She asked sweetly.

"No…but why are you in the men's changing rooms?" Chouji asked throwing his clothes on, as the pretty girl stared at him shamelessly.

"What do you mean?" The girl giggled cutely and began to undress out of her pink kimono-style clothes, "I'm a guy!"

"What!" Chouji stammered as he stared in disbelief at the 'pretty girl' before him, there was no mistaking those 'man bits' and he did not have a woman's chest either.

"Well…see you around!" Haku said cheerily, walking off to the bathing area.

(Note: I brought Haku to life! Mwahahahahaha!)

"Oh…My…Gawd…" Chouji mumbled sickly to himself, "The She…is a HE!"

**Sunday 7.45am In The Bathroom **

"Mmm…Shikamaru!" Ino giggled as he began kissing her softly again, "Where do you think Chouji's gone?"

Shikamaru stopped for a minute and looked out the window, "Hmm…must be at the gym thingy by now."

He mumbled before resuming his session of merciless kissing.

"Mmm…Shikamaru! You're so bad!" Ino squealed.

**Sunday 8am At FATSO-BEGONE Co. Gym **

Chouji had just paid for his miracle course and was being led to a small room, where a personal instructor, would tell him everything he needed to know.

"Hmm…Thanks…" Chouji mumbled as he sat down in a large hall, with various weird forms of equipment surrounding him.

Chouji waited alone for about ten minutes, wondering where the hell his fitness instructor was when suddenly Haku walked cheerily into the hall.

"What? You!" Chouji stammered at the…um… 'pretty' man in a cat suit standing before him.

"Oh, hi again!" Haku smiled at the startled Chouji, "You're name's Chouji right? I'm Haku, your personal instructor."

Chouji sighed and wished that Haku looked completely female, or completely male, because that pretty head on that handsome body was just freaking him out.

**Sunday 8am In The Kitchen **

"Hmm Shika-baby!" Ino squealed handing Shikamaru a plate full of delicious syrup covered pancakes.

"Thank you Ino-chan…" Shikamaru smiled, having completely forgotten the word troublesome, and started eating his breakfast heartily.

Ino sat down with her own smaller plate of pancakes and surveyed Shikamaru hungrily.

**Sunday 8.30am At FATSO-BEGONE Co. Gym **

"OW!" Chouji grumbled, as Haku took his arm and bent it all the way over his body.

"You need to stretch before and after a workout," Haku said cheerily now bending Chouji's leg painfully back, "like this…and this…"

Chouji plopped onto the floor, feeling sweaty, but strangely relaxed, "Wow…that was painful, but kinda cool…"

"Oh silly!" Haku laughed girlishly, "That was just stretching and a warm up…the real exercise hasn't even started yet!"

"Real…Exercise?" Chouji mumbled fearfully, as Haku went over to a CD player and turned it on full blast.

"Now copy everything I do okay?" Haku winked and placed himself in front of Chouji.

Chouji stood up, ready to dance like an idiot, when Haku's firm, yet slightly jiggling butt, caught his eye, "Damn it…" he mumbled to himself.

**Sunday 8.30am In The Living Room **

"Hey Ino-chan…" Shikamaru mumbled, sitting bare-chested on the sofa as Ino had asked him to, "…do you know where the remote is?"

Ino had changed into the skimpiest dress she could find in her wardrobe and as she bent over the sofa, she exposed a lot.

"Here Shika-baby…" Ino cooed handing the remote to the ogling Shikamaru.

"Nah…forget TV, lets go out, eh?" Shikamaru smiled and reached forwards to kiss Ino tenderly.

**Sunday 9am At FATSO-BEGONE Co. Gym **

Haku's jiggling, wiggling ass, was making Chouji feel kind of sick. It bobbed side to side to the music and as the beat grew faster it kind of…vibrated.

If Haku were a girl, then yeah, things would've been different, but since he wasn't, watching his ass shake was making him cringe painfully.

Then again…Chouji could have watched Haku in the mirror in front of them…but there were worse wigglier things to be seen there.

"You okay back there?" Haku asked cheerily, looking into the large mirror that stretched across the whole length of the wall, "You holding out okay?"

"Um…yeah…" Chouji mumbled, sweaty and gasping for breath.

"Okay! I'll take it up a notch then" Haku squealed as he bounced around faster and in a much more violently jiggling fashion.

"Oh hell…" Chouji grumbled sadly and began imitating Haku.

**Sunday 9am At The Cinema **

Ino snuggled close to Shika-baby, in the darkness of the cinema, as the film slowly began to start.

"Oh, Shika-baby!" She whispered, "This film is supposed to be reeeeeeeally scary!"

Shikamaru grinned and tenderly placed a popcorn, into Ino's mouth, "Don't' worry Ino-chan…I'm here for you."

**Sunday 9.30am At FATSO-BEGONE Co. Gym **

"How you doing Chouji-sama?" Haku smiled, wiping himself off with a towel, "You did really well today!"

"Thanks…" Chouji mumbled, barely able to stand up as his body ached so badly.

"You need some help?" Haku asked and was freakishly strong, because he managed to pull Chouji off the floor and in to a standing position, with one hand!

Chouji wobbled a bit, then plonked back onto the floor again.

"Oh dear Chouji-sama…" Haku said, picking Chouji up again, "It seems I made you work a little too hard, eh?"

Chouji felt like he was going to pass out, and before his eyes closed shut on him, he saw Haku's pretty face smiling mischievously at him.

**Sunday 9.30am At The Cinema **

"Shikamaru!" Ino screamed as a large monster appeared on screen, "Oh Shika-baby hold me closer!"

Shikamaru pulled the exaggerative Ino into his lap and hugged her gently whilst she smiled gleefully.

**Sunday 10am At Haku's Apartment **

"What?" Chouji mumbled as he awoke to find himself, undressed and in someone else's bed, "What the hell!"

"Oh…Chouji-sama…you're awake," Haku said blissfully from the doorway, dressed in those freakishly girly clothes again.

"What the HELL am I doing here!" Chouji snarled, "and where the fuck did you put my CLOTHES!"

"Whoa…chill for a sec Chouji-sama okay?" Haku said calmly and sitting on the edge of the bed, "You passed out…and your clothes were all gross and sweaty…"

"So!" Chouji screamed indignantly, "Why-"

Haku ignored Chouji's outbursts and continued to stare at Chouji in the most freakishly perverted way, "I…tried to put my clothes on you…but sadly…they could not hold your massive beauty…"

"What! Massive beauty!" Chouji screamed, as Haku crawled closer to him, "…EW! GETTAWAY YOU FUCKING FREAK OF NATURE!"

**Sunday 10am At The Cinema **

Ino had wrapped herself tightly around the defenceless Shikamaru and was now snogging the hell out of him.

Some teenagers, sat behind them were cheering and chucking popcorn at their heads.

"Oi! Give me some of that!" A cheeky Konohamaru screamed, chucking his whole tub of popcorn on Shikamaru's head.

"Why you little punk!" Shikamaru yelled and started to chase him, as Ino was creepily chatted up by Konohamaru's snotty friend Udon.

"Eugh…get away from me!" Ino squealed punching Udon in the face and running out of the cinema, "C'mon Shika-baby!"

Shikamaru had grabbed Konohamaru and was about to smack him over the head.

"Ooh…Shika-baby!" Konohamaru squealed with laughter and then flinched as Shikamaru flicked him in the head.

"Shuddup Kon-O-HAM-HEAD!" Shikamaru muttered before following ino out of the cinema.

**Sunday 10.30am At Haku's Apartment **

Haku had chasedpoor Chouji around his whole apartment.

Chouji was stumbling over everywhere clinging to the bed covers wrapped around him for dear life.

"Come here Chouji-sama!" Haku called, standing accidentally, although also maybe on purpose on Chouji's bed covers.

"Get AWAY!" Chouji screamed and then fell over as his covers were being trampled on by a grinning Haku.

"Now I've gotcha!" Haku squealed in delight and dived on to the screaming Chouji.

"You freak! YOU FREAK! Getaway from ME!" Chouji waved his fist around and managed to hit Haku in the face.

"Owee…You hit me Chouji-sama?" Haku moaned in fake agony.

Chouji got up again and started running, "Where the hell is the front door!" Chouji asked himself desperately.

**Sunday 10.30am Near Haku's Apartment Block **

Ino leaned over the bridge and stared happily at her reflection in the water.

Shikamaru came up behind and warmly wrapped his arms around her, "Ino-Chan…" He mumbled, kissing her neck.

Ino giggled and brushed Shika-baby away, "You know…I think…I love…Oh My Gawd!"

"What?" Shikamaru said alarmed.

"Look! Look! It's Chouji!" She squealed as a severely exhausted Chouji wrapped in nothing but bed sheet ran onto the bridge towards them.

"HELP ME!" Chouji wailed, before diving behind the shocked Ino and Shikamaru.

"What the hell? Chouji?" Shikamaru mumbled, as an angry Haku approached them.

"Who are you!" Haku demanded.

"I'm Shik…wait! Who the hell are you?"

"Huh! I'm Haku…and you! Shit or whatever your name is! ARE NOT TAKING AWAY MY MAN!"

Haku charged at Shikamaru in a demented fashion and knocked him over the bridge and into the water.

"Chouji? Who is this woman!" Ino shrieked as Shikamaru made a massive splash in the water below.

"HE is a MAN! And he won't freaking leave me ALONE!"

"A…A man?" Ino surveyed the angry pink kimono wearing person before her, "NO WAY!"

Haku smirked and tossed his hair back, "Yep! I am a MAN! And Chouji-sama is MINE bitch!"

Ino clenched her fist as Haku ran towards her, "Shintenshin no Jutsu!" Ino screamed forming some hand seals.

Ino's body fell limp into Chouji's arms and Haku froze.

"Heh heh…" Haku mumbled, "I…Ino have taken over your body!"

Ino made Haku jump off the bridge and then she returned to her own body.

"See ya!" Ino screamed, as a swearing Haku stuck some fingers up at them and a soaking wet Shikamaru clambered back onto the bridge.

"Let's just go home, eh?" Shikamaru mumbled, grabbing Ino and Chouji by the shoulders, "Everything else is just too damn troublesome!"

* * *

Hope you liked this lil story, it took me a while to write and I tried to make it funny and stuff!

Give me lots of reviews to make me smile like an idiot please!

See ya!


End file.
